This past week has been a weird week for me. A week of feeling uneasy, unsupported, unworthy and un(you fill in the blank).

Do you ever feel that way? Just blah. Nothing is going really well but on the other hand, nothing is going really bad. It’s just kinda been a whole lot of nothing.

I noticed on facebook this past week that there was this weird rustling about a friend of mine Allan. Allan and I weren’t great friends, but I would consider him someone I respected and loved. I think he would feel the same about me. I found out that Allan had committed suicide last week. Out of the blue. No one saw it coming. He didn’t really give a lot of clues that this was on the way. It was shocking and there are a lot of people who will never be the same because of the way he lived, and then also because of the way he died. Even though we weren’t close friends, I felt loss this week. My heart was breaking for his family and close friends. Something just felt off.

Then this morning, at the edge, Israel is preaching on forgiveness. Of course right? It turns out that God actually does know what He is doing.

Here’s what I mean…

I don’t know what you think about when you hear the word ‘forgiveness’?… but I think of the word TIME. The times when something wrong was done to me. The feeling that I can never get that time back. Have you ever been so hurt that it engulfs you? When I’m told to forgive that person, I can’t let go of the remembrance of that TIME lost to me. I want that time back. And because I can’t get  it back, I can’t forgive that person.

I’m thinking about TIME…. differently today. Time wasted by un-forgiveness is what is on my heart today. Time, wasted by me, because I won’t listen to God. Bottom line. That’s the truth.

Things are going to happen to me, by others, for the rest of my life. How I respond makes all of the difference. Will I respond with grace as Jesus does for me? Or will I respond with un-grace because I think it’s what people deserve? The fact is, Jesus has grace for those I don’t. I’m called to do the same.

So, with the loss of friend this week and being confronted with struggling with un-grace for others, I’m forced to consider the amount of time I have wasted because of it. I fear it’s more than I want to admit to.

The good news? I can do something about. So can you.

Let’s stop wasting so much time.